he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
