Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am one with the molecules
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
