She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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