I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
