How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
