Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
