she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize