Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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