I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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