Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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