So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
