dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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