Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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