they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
vagina is talking i cant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
