I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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