Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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