how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
