So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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