Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
