He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize