is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
