He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
