Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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