This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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