Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
