Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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