Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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