You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
