Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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