All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
