if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
