Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
