The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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