I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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