u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
