dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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