Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
