Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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