I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
