you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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