im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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