I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
