Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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