i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize