i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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