not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
