so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
