So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
