i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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