I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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