im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
