DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
