I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
