and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
