Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh god it's open bar.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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