I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
