I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
