So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
