No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
