No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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