I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
