I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
