Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize