I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
