Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
