Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
