found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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