Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
