I didn't shave. On purpose
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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