My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
