Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
