I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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