I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
