Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize