The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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