At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
