Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
