just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
