ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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