So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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