The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I look better un-naked...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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