he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
