Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize