Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
