OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
