i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
