marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
