Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
