Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
