So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize