I want to make a zoo with you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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