there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
