I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
