there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
