drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
